Do you wonder if you can hate and shame yourself into doing or not doing something?
I used to get disgusted with my self-sabotage. I’d plan to “be good” and eat a certain way, exercise, clean my closet, whatever, and then I’d inevitably end up doing something else. Then I would go through a cycle of blame, shame, self-flagellation, and then rinse and repeat.
I finally started to get off that merry-go-round when I heard several times that you can’t hate yourself to change.
Whether it’s your body, you home, your relationship, or your self-esteem, our thoughts and beliefs are what drive our actions every day.
Think about how you treat people you love – your kids, your pets, your spouse, your friends.
Do you shame or blame them for being stupid, lazy, or selfish when you’re showing them love? No! That would be ridiculous. And yet we do it to ourselves all the time under the guise of “love”.
Think about how you talk to yourself. Not out loud (though it was once said that was the only guaranteed way to get an intelligent conversation…).
Think about what thoughts we have about ourselves in our day to day lives (you’re definitely have > 100 of these thoughts per day).
Once I stopped and truly did this exercise and then wrote out my thoughts – I cringed. I felt…ashamed. I realized that I was trying to punish myself constantly.
We all do this to some degree but anyone with a body image issue, self-esteem problems, anger issues, or an unhealthy weight –> we do this far more frequently.
And it’s got to stop.
It’s not healthy.
Health begins with our thoughts. Thoughts we have about ourselves. It starts with us.
Even very highly functioning, emotionally intelligent people can have these thoughts. And they damage us.
Self-deprecation? Not loving at all. It’s self-hate disguised as a joke.
Research has proven that even if we jokingly put ourselves down to others, it’s a form of low self-esteem.
So what’s your point Debbie Downer?
It’s this: if we don’t truly love ourselves, we don’t take care of our health, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
So take a stand! Starting today.
Practice being aware of your thoughts.
All of them (yes, ALL of them).
And at the same time, practice being curious about them.
Coming from a place of curiosity about your thoughts will help to stop the judgement and the blame-shame cycle that so many of us have.
It takes practice but once we can become aware, a whole new world of health and change opens us.
Get off that merry-go-round of blame, shame, and self-loathing. The ride is over.
Have a beautiful day my friends.
Let’s stay in touch.